I sat down in the garden and a cat who spoke
He said, "Excuse me thats my place for sitting 'cos its in the shade"
I said, "Mr Pussy you got some tuna stuck badly in your whiskers
And there's a rather large patch of baldness round your leg"
He said, "Shut up, you can talk
Look at the left side of your head
You look like you've been in a bad experiment"
I said, "I'm not gonna sit here and be bullied by a cat
Especially a little ginger one like that"
He said, "Shut up you
I'm strawberry blond
Out in the alley I'm like the Fonz
All the other cats they worship me
Waving their paws in a fucking frenzie"
"Oh, I see
There's not much I can say to that
Except, in action
Let my bulldogs out the trap"