I don’t remember where I heard it but I heard it all the same
and I believed the world could end
There was a tall man in a big car and he called me
by my name said he’d like to be my friend
He opened up the door and I climed in among the flowers he had planted on the floor
I’ll be the engine yeah and you can be the wheels and
now there’s side-walking maggots at my door
I might be dead but if I am then I don’t mind ‘cos this is easy
There’s nobody running after me
I’m off my head and if I am what’s it to you yeah this is easy
I am nothing I don’t want to be
There was a man who moved up north and for the first six months
he wore a balaclava and a pair of shades
Though he was thought a little strange he was such a nice chap
his manners were the envy of the friends he made
Then one day he took his shades off and people stood and stared
My God His eyes are green I thought they would be blue
And when the balaclava followed suit the girls all said
Oh you’re so ugly and we got off with you
I might be dead but if I am then I don’t mind ‘cos this is easy
There’s nobody running after me
I’m off my head and if I am what’s it to you yeah this is easy
I am nothing I don’t want to be